Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
