I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
