This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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