scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
