question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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