Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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