I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
