dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
