That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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