Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
