Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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