Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize