it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
