And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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