the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
