Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
