She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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