It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
