Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
