I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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