I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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