4 words: hood of his car
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
is it fun? or sober?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
