Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
