ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
