told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
