you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
