remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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