normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
