nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
