Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
