I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
