btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
