We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
