He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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