So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
