we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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