I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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