how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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