I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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