There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
