so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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