Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you didnt know i had herpes?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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