I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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