I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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