Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
