dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
