I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
In America we eat man semen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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