My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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