I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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