I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
