I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
