This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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