you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
