Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize