im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
PANTIES FOUND
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
