cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
