my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
