You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Define "chronic" masturbator.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
