Christians are straight up FREAKS
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize