And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
