i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
