Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize