i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Someone signed my nipple.
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