I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize