I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do vagina's smell?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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