Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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